Surviving and Thriving: How to parent after pregnancy loss.

Prioritize your self-care. When you are grieving and in a place of deep despair and sadness, it is physically hard to move to even do the most mundane of tasks. It is essential that you try your best to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. Grief can be draining, so make sure you're getting enough rest, eating well, and finding ways to cope with your emotions in healthy ways. I will always say you need these 4 things. SLEEP, SUN, MOVEMENT, WATER. ( FOOD IS A GIVEN) There is so much evidence to support these modalities of healing.

Seek Support. It can be so hard to ask for help when you don’t know what you need and there is no solution to what is wrong. But this is one of those situations where you need to lean on your support network, whether it's family, friends, or a support group. You don't have to go through this alone. Do you know anyone right now who has gone through loss? Is this a person you could talk to, and have a weekly check-in on? There are some wonderful support groups out there, I suggest asking in mom groups on FB in your area or surrounding cities. I highly recommend going off of a recommendation rather than a google search. Find a therapist who can support you through your grief and healing journey. This again, can take time to find the right support person. Ask friends and family to help with the kids, animals, grocery shopping, or cleaning.

Professional Help. Not everyone feels comfortable going to therapy or trying to find mental health help. But if you find your grief is overwhelming and affecting your ability to parent, consider seeking support from a grief counselor or therapist.

Communicate with Your Children. Effective communication during a grieving period can be so hard. What and how you talk to your children can depend on their age and understanding. I always encourage families to have open and honest conversations with your children about your grief. Make sure to use age-appropriate language and answer their questions to the best of your ability without lying or being vague. This one was always tricky for me. I always wanted to make sure there was a balance and I wasn’t throwing all of my emotions or feelings on my girls, especially without my husband home.( He was on a 7-month deployment when I had my full term 40 weeks 5 day stillbirth) The girls and I spent all of our time together and sometimes it was hard not to just sit there and cry when I was cuddling with them, being reminded that Evelyn should be there too.

Maintain Routines. Adults and children find comfort in routines, so try to maintain a sense of normalcy as much as possible. Consistency can provide them with a sense of stability during a devastating time. A month after my daughter died, Jon headed back to his ship on deployment and the girls and I went back to our daily summer routine. There was relief in our simple steps.

Be Patient with Yourself. Remember, grief is a process, and it's okay to have days when you're struggling more than others. The healing after losing a baby is anything but linear. You will have waves, more so in the beginning. Be patient with yourself and acknowledge your emotions.

Create Special Moments Despite your grief, try to create positive moments with your children. Board games, puzzles or watch a silly family movie and just soak in all the love and cuddles. One day you will come to realize it is all about love. At the end of the day, love is what will make it all okay.

Find free resources at www.vallenwebb.com

If you are a doula or postpartum doula and you would like to support loss...