Healing through connection and finding strength in community.
When I talk about normalizing pregnancy loss, a huge point in doing this work is so that women can find each other. When someone tells their story, others are more likely to share theirs as well. This creates connection and then it beautifully and subtly creates community. One by one women are sharing their stories. They are sharing their feelings, thoughts, and everything in between. Loss changes our entire worlds, it devastates our old selves and most of us turn into even better versions of ourselves. THis doesn’t mean we have stopped grieving or moved on, it simply means we have the courage to live beside it or with it. Losing Evelyn made me realize how much of a community we had in Lake Stevens, in our military community outside base. I had women and families bring us food and gifts and offer support, women who were not even considered friends, maybe acquaintances. They all took on this role of superwomen and I cannot tell you enough that they saved me. Knowing that so many are thinking of you, so many are quietly thinking of you and sending you love and prayers and hope. It is a powerful force that I think is lacking in our communities.
A big part of my healing was spending time with my friends doing everyday things, like watching our kids play, getting our favorite coffee and sweet buns while we talked about life, running to target to get out of the house at night while our husbands were with the kids, going on adventures in the mountains, to the water, to the forests. I felt love and included. The power these “small” moments had on me was immense and still felt to this day. I was able to be people who understood me and what I was going through and if I needed to talk to them I could and I wasn’t afraid of how they would respond or afraid of how they would react if I talked about her or my pain. Some people will always be so uncomfortable by your pain and that is ok. That is their stuff they need to work through. That is not on you. Don’t let that diminish your need for connection. Because connecting with others who love you or who have been through what you have is what is going to heal you. Or at least help heal parts of you. I don’t ever think we will ever be fully healed because we are not the same person we started out to be. We find our strength in others. When we can’t find the strength we need in ourselves to continue, we find it in our friends, our families, people we look up to. People who share their strength and their shine. They share their life force with us.
I want you to find a group or community that you can feel supported in. A group of women or loss families near you or even virtually. If you don’t know where to start, you can look for chapters on your state of Star Legacy Foundation Groups, you can look on their website, you can ckeck out PSI for support groups, local hospitals have grief groups, or local churches, mops groups would be amazing or create your own.
20 Ways to celebrate and honor your angel baby. Printable.
Pregnancy Loss Journaling Prompts. Printable.
www.pregnancylosseducation.com
pregnancylosseducation@gmail.com
Join our FB group for doulas and perinatal professionals, HERE. IF you are a doula or postpartum doula and want to enrich your doula skillset come take the Pregnancy Loss Education Course. Learn More
